Going Blonde: What My Hair Appointments Taught Me About My Spending Habits and Trauma of Money

It was Taurus season 2021 and I was on a mission to dye my hair blonde. I was going through a break-up, but also wanted to celebrate the biggest sales in my coaching business since I launched Vesta Business School. I made an appointment at a high-end boutique hair salon franchise in so-called St. Louis. I spent $1,000 (I’m feeling queasy too).

Let my cringe be a lesson.

It’s unfortunately pretty common for new entrepreneurs to fall into the trap of overspending when they make more money than they ever have before. It’s kind of like when someone wins the lottery and they go broke rather quickly. The reason for this rests in the trauma of money.

For some us who overspend, it’s because we grew up in a household where money was the source of conflict and stress, so it wasn’t seen as safe. Therefore, having too much of it could feel dangerous. Subconsciously we do what we can to get rid of it the minute it hits our bank accounts.

For others, like me, money could be used as a coping tool when an event triggers our flight or fight response, we feel hyper-active or hypo-active, and we crave a hit of dopamine.

In our society we are conditioned to use shopping as a way to escape pain. We are also conditioned to believe that if there’s a problem we can always find a solution in the form of a product or service. And inside white, cisheteropatriarchy our bodies, minds, and spirits are just problems that need fixing.

Dopamine is the chase, which is why shopping can feel like a “hunt.” We can get tunnel-vision when digging through piles of clothes or swiping through the racks for that perfect top that will make our ex wish he never cut things off.

Shopping can produce a dysregulating rush. Our eyes might narrow, and it could become hard to think or plan. We may feel our heartbeat increase and might even get a headache.

Going blonde wasn’t the sole factor of “overspending” for me at the time. I also went nuts and enrolled in two tarot classes and had a couple sessions with an intuitive coach.

I’m not knocking myself for dropping $1,000 on my hair, or anyone else. None of these things individually have any moral meaning to them. But in hindsight these purchases were all ways in which I was trying to avoid my present reality and rush into a new one. I loved the intuitive coach I worked with, but I realized I didn’t need a coach.

I needed therapy and I needed to let myself be.

Also, just as a tip for budding entrepreneurs: always plan ahead for “dry spells.” After I hit those big sales in my business I went a few months without any. It would’ve served me to conserve that money a bit more. It’s okay to splurge on yourself, but make sure you’re keeping your future self in mind.

I’ve spent the last year reflecting on these money choices, and now I’m planning on going into future hair appointments (and really any decisions around spending my money) with a little more sobriety, grounding, and armed with a budget.

Here are five ways you can prepare yourself next time you go shopping or want to make a big investment:

1. Check in with your body and regulate your nervous system. Use the HALT method.

   HALT stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

   “The HALT method is based around the premise that you’re more likely to make poor, highly emotional decisions when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Instead of choosing a behavior that doesn’t align with your values or long-term well-being (like when I go shopping to cope with depression) HALT helps us to address the underlying issues.

   Being well-fed and well-rested is ideal for clear thinking, executive functioning, and enlisting the help of our pre-frontal cortex instead of our survival brain. The latter could have us making choices out of flight or fight.

2. If you’re going to the store, write out a list, or have a goal in mind. I’ll often keep a running list of groceries I need either in my phone notes or on a sticky note on the counter. If I’m going to a clothing store I’ll have a specific need like summer shorts, or a dress for a wedding.

3. Create a spreadsheet and budget. I found this amazing spreadsheet “how-to” that made it really easy for me as someone who has always felt like spreadsheets and budgets are intimidating and overwhelming. I go into a shopping experience with a certain amount of money spending range and limit in mind and TRY to stick to that.

Some Resources to Consider for Your Long-Term Benefit:

1. Need help steering your bookkeeping ship? Check out Hell Yeah Bookeeping! (No affiliate or anything, just love their platform and newsletter!)

2. Does the thought of investing make you feel like crying? Same. That’s why I signed up for Invested Development, Amanda Holden’s informative, in-depth but not overwhelming, and humorous course! She’s also great to follow on Instagram (again no affiliate, she’s just great people!)

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